Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
