There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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