I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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