I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
