We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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