Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
