I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You need Xanax blowdarts
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We need to get me chipped asap
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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