i think my tv is drunk
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
