Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
