OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
