Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
