He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You need a sexual gate keeper
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
