i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Did I show you my penis last night?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
