WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
