I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
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I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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