So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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