Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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