did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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