There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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