1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
