Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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