I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
