Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
