I feel like abortions should bother me more
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
where are my eyebrows?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
