when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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