So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
