My vagina just recognized that song.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
