And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
