I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
