She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
