my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
