Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
