I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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