The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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