dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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