Whoa Z and x make the same sound
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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