My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
