3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
