Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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