I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
