i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
