You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
