Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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