you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
