We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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