I'm gonna have a badass scar
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
birth control should be required to get into college
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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