I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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