I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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