she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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