I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
