Pappa wants mamma naked
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
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It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize