wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
