jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
