Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Randomize