I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
