If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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