census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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