that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
