every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
