i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
