so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
