yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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