garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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