update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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