I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
