were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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