isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
