I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
